I think of kid camp as the place you go to discover all the things you can't do. The humiliation you suffer as a result either puts hair on your chest or condemns you to a lifetime of insecurity.
Neither I nor any of my siblings went to camp (as far as I know), so Tanya and I decided to have that missing camp experience last week. Not exactly a bucket list thing, but an adventure nonetheless.
My first humbling experience was kayaking. I had done it before, maybe three times. The third time, I came up on the beach upside down, dangling from the seat with my head in the water wondering why god wanted me to drown in such an ignominious fashion. But I lived to kayak another day, obviously.
We entered the water without incident. But before long Tanya, who had never kayaked before, pointed out to me that every time I put my paddle in the water the boat turned right. Furthermore, I demonstrated no ability to correct my unbalanced stroke. Eventually, Tanya suggested I rest. Ahem. (You know, the gentle version of "Get your damned paddle out of the water and let me steer.")
Meanwhile, Tanya's first challenge was the mattress on the bed in the tent cabin. Its colorful cover told the story of many users and their various accidents. But she had been forewarned and came prepared -- with a futon, a mattress pad, a full set of sheets, AND a sleeping bag. Oh yeah, and four pillows. Score 1 for Tanya.
My second challenge was water aerobics. Lordy lordy. They put a noodle around my waist and I still couldn't stay afloat. My new friend, Camille, whispered to me, "You haven't done this before, have you, Twila?" That got me laughing, whereupon I sank to the bottom of the pool and nearly drowned. When I came up, I was banished to the back of the pool (the shallows).
Tanya, a fish in her previous life, found no challenge in the water aerobics and set her sights on a training session for open water swimming. Score 2 for Tanya.
The coup de grace was jewelry-making on the last day. Oh my god! Tanya and I both approached the table of beads enthusiastically and naturally I ran into the table and knocked three billion beads to the floor. Things did not improve from there. When our teacher looked at our works-in-progress, Tanya and I were both sent off for remediation. But as weird as our finished little leather bracelets look, we totally love them.
In spite of the challenges, I had a good time. Tanya had a good time. (Happy hours helped!) But if I were a 12 year old girl and my parents sent me to camp, I'd be thinking of payback about now. You know, the elderly equivalent of camp, which we call "nursing homes."
As you know, Twila, we were also at Pinecrest last week. Thursday afternoon, we were walking along the beach and we saw all these, oh hell, say it, middle-aged women "challenging themselves" on paddle boards. Same "camp" but neither Tanya nor you were among that group. When I asked one of the women whether this weekend was all about self-affirmation, she seemed to take a bit of offense. We, on the other hand, went out for an hour of pedal-boating, called, for some reason, "paddle-boating" on Pinecrest Lake. We expected it to be a way to spend a lazy hour enjoying a late afternoon out on the beautiful lake. Not at all; it's hard work pedaling those things forward fast enough to get anywhere. But is was beautiful.
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