Odd Days: Blogging & Secrets

I have a certain fascination with secrets. For now, I am setting aside all debate over dangerous secrets. My interest is in family secrets or personal secrets that people hide for fear they will be judged or ill-treated if the secret is unveiled.

I admit to being conflicted. For the most part, I concur that a living person's secrets are hers to keep, or not. But then suppose the person dies. Are you still bound to keep her secret? Does the truth have merit? Or must we concede the right of a person to reach beyond the grave and demand the continued preservation of her reputation or sensibility even though no revelation could possibly cause her any suffering (she's dead)? I dare say you could find hearty arguments to support both sides.

For some people, the issue is cut and dried. Take Frances Mayes, for example. I once heard her tell an audience how grateful she was to have such a rich family history on which to draw for her books. So I posed the question to her. Does she use family secrets in her books? She slapped me down. "Of course not. And what an offensive suggestion."

Were I to ask Pat Conroy the same thing and I have little doubt I would receive a different response.

I began to ponder the secret issue once again as Durf and I draw closer to resurrecting our HeSez-SheSez blog. In the past, we have never laid down ground rules. If I let out a scream from my office after reading his blog, Durf inevitably offers to resect any and all offending words or sentences.

I wouldn't call this a quid pro quo arrangement, though, for at least two reasons that I can think of: 1. Durf is more open than I am. He is willing to expose himself (or me, if I concurred) in ways I never would...unless I was willing to forgo sleep and/or hide in a cave for the rest of my life.

Second, when it comes to Durf, I am extremely cautious about saying anything that might offend him. That's my nature and is a characteristic Durf does not share. (IMO, IMO! No offense, Durf.)

But when we start to blog about something besides our trips -- to NY, India, Italy etc -- it seems likely we might come face to face with the "secret" issue.

Stay tuned!