To get from Jonesborough TN to Columbus OH, where my sister was keeping a pizza warm for me, I expected to hop on Highway 23, toggle cruise control and soak in the scenery. Just to be safe -- in case an alien took over my brain and drove Bubba (my car, duh!) off onto some nameless blue highway -- I gave my navigatrix the address of my destination.
She and I were getting along just fine all the way through Tennessee, Virginia, and most of Kentucky when all of a sudden she instructed me to get off the highway and make a left turn. I'm no fool. I did what I was told.
I soon found myself wandering aimlessly around the streets of Ashland, Kentucky. "Turn left, turn left, turn right." At some point I saw a Starbucks and the next thing I knew, my car was careening into the parking lot. Ten minutes later, coffee in hand, I re-entered Bubba and told the navigatrix to continue directing me to Columbus.
"Turn left. Turn left." It felt like I was going in circles. I looked at the screen and when I turned my eyes back to the road, I saw a car coming directly at me. In my lane. Holy CRAP, Navi had me turn down a one-way street! I pulled over, gasped for air, and then I put my thinking cap on. What in the world did I say that offended her?
When my heart rate returned to normal, I drove to a major (ha) thoroughfare and let Navi take over again. This time I spoke more gently, with wheedling undertones. I figured it worked because soon I had crossed the Ohio River and was heading north.
Two minutes later Navi told me to make a right turn.
"East? Why does she want me to go east? Would she really betray me again?"
It was then, in my time of greatest need, that I invoked the words of my wise old mentor. I spoke them aloud: "Fool me once, shame on — shame on you. Fool me — you can't get fooled again."
I gripped the steering wheel, stepped on the gas, and drove right by that right turn.
Throw Navi O U T !
ReplyDeleteIs it a secret what you were doing in Tennessee?