SheSez: Secrets Part II

My original dilemma was meant to be simple: Does death (of a secret holder) release you from your promise to keep the secret. I don't think we've settled the question and I doubt we will.

So let's move back into the pre-mortem realm. This is how I deal with my own secrets.

1. If there is anything in my life that I don't want anyone to know, I tell no one. Those are real secrets. I can think of two of those at the moment.

2. Of the remaining sensitive pieces of information, of which there are many, I divulge them from time to time. And when I do, I try very hard *not* to say, "Please don't tell anyone." My preference would be for the person I tell to use his or her discretion when deciding whether or not to reveal certain information about me. In my opinion, keeping another person's secret can be a burden. When I tell someone something sensitive, I trust that the person will consider my feelings along with everything else when deciding whether or not (and with whom) to share the information.

3. I don't have any trouble adhering to item #1 above, but I have occasionally failed at item #2 and asked that a particular person or persons not be the recipient of certain sensitive information about me. And yes it's because I don't trust the person I'm telling to use appropriate discretion with certain individuals. I consider this my failing. I should not give this person any sensitive information if I have to add certain individuals to the "do not tell" list.

So I think I've answered a big question: What is a secret? A secret is something you tell *no one*. Everything else is all about negotiation, relationships, respect, and discretion.