Odder Days: Thinking without words.

A few years ago Twila and I traveled somewhere north of San Francisco to participate in a retreat where we learned and practiced meditation. Two impressions stood out: meditation is very difficult; it is also extremely rewarding.

There are different forms of meditation, but it is, basically, thinking about nothing. We were taught to make ourselves comfortable, such as sitting on a cushion, keep our eyes open (usually), and empty our minds of all thoughts. It isn't as easy as it might sound, because the devil thoughts pop in from all angles. When they do, you push them out and keep going. Eventually, they say, it becomes easier. After the retreat Twila and I invested in pillows and cushions and books, but for the most part meditating rather quickly slipped through the cracks as a regular activity.

A couple of weeks ago I was feeling tense and decided that a bit of mediation might help. I sat in a comfortable chair and emptied my mind.

OHMMMMM... OHMMMMM... OHMMMMM....

But I was out of practice, and I wasn't really very good at it when I was in practice. Then I had an idea.

My brain is always full of chatter, and getting rid of it takes real effort. But I remembered that people read more effectively if they don't form the words in their heads. Maybe, I thought, thinking works the same way. I decided to try meditation not by ridding my mind of thoughts, but by thinking without words.

I started by telling myself that I could think about anything as long as words weren't forming. To my surprise, it was much easier than simply trying not to think. If a verbal thought began to intrude, I just reminded myself to think without words and my mind was quiet again.

The only problem was… if it could be called a problem… that I didn't know if I was really thinking. Maybe I was just focusing on keeping words out. So I decided to try a test. I picked something to think about… Newt Gingrich… and a few moments later I got up and shot myself.

KIDDING!

Actually, I don't remember what I thought about that first time, but I was surprised when I stopped that I had actually made progress on whatever it was. A truer test came later.

A few days ago Twila posted a picture of herself wearing a mask before we went out for a walk. I had a similar mask, but couldn't find it. It isn't headline news when I can't find something, but not being able to find the mask was particularly frustrating. I'd shown it to Twila in our dining area, and I was sure it had to be between there and my office. We didn't want to delay our walk, but I resolved to find the mask the next day.

After a cursory search turned up nothing, I bore down. I started on one side of my office door and worked my way around the office searching everything. I went in all my desk drawers and looked on all my shelves. Then I went out of the office and continued following the walls. I searched the bathroom, the living room, the dining area, the kitchen, the pantry. Nada. I went into the garage and downstairs. Then I searched our bedroom, even though I really doubted the mask would be there. And when all of that proved fruitless, I did it again. And then Twila searched.

No mask.

A couple of days later I decided to try thinking without words again, and I chose as my subject places where I might find the mask. Then I went into the meditation-like state, not knowing whether I was really thinking about anything. When I stopped, though, three ideas of places of where the mask might be popped into my head. And one of them was correct.

I still have a lot to learn about "thinking without words", but it has been very interesting so far.