If you haven't yet had an opportunity to become an officiant and marry two people you are extremely fond of, I recommend that you go in search of such a couple and start campaigning for the role. It is an experience you really should have before you shuffle off this mortal coil.
You all know what a ham I am, so you might expect that I would have no jitters before participating in such an event. But in fact, as I stood waiting for the happy couple to stroll down the aisle, the sweat was sliding down my torso in torrents. Consequently, not only did I have to worry that I might say something weird (I feared a sudden onset of a tourette's-like affliction), but I also had to worry about dark and damp stains under my arms and smelly pits. Ok, too much information.
As if that weren't enough, I knew the family rabbi would be in attendance, and would no doubt be tossing virtual tomatoes and flogging me with his stern eyes. What if I blurted out something that violated some esoteric Jewish law. Would he clutch his head, jump to his feet and call a halt to the proceedings? I confided in my own friend, Rabbi R, that I was concerned about having a rabbi in the audience. She told me to give her his name so that she could call him and tell him to behave. I didn't though, because I knew she *would* call him. In the end he behaved far better than my armpits did.
Bottom line: it was a great wedding, with lots of laughter, great conversation, excellent food and... no blunders. Whoooo hooooo.
I know after reading this you will want me to officiate at the weddings of your sons and daughters and grandchildren. However, I'm retiring my certificate. Nobody will mistake me for Brett Favre. I know how to quit while I'm ahead.
As time passes, I think you should reconsider your retirement!
ReplyDeleteLove, Helene
I'm glad things went well in Mass.
ReplyDeletexoxo, skip
I officiated at the marriage of one of my brothers back in '04. They said I could talk about anything, so I wrote up some notes comparing the laws of thermodynamics with marriage. It seemed to be well received, or perhaps they were just relieved that it was short. In any case, like you, I don't expect to come out of retirement for an encore!
ReplyDeleteHey Carl, I'll show you mine if you show me yours!
ReplyDeleteNever know if your goddaughter might need a quickie marriage.... especially if she gets a job out of the country and wants to take David with her. Keep your certificate active for a year or so.
ReplyDeleteI don't know if I still have a written copy of my notes. I may have decided that my recollection of them would age better if the evidence was erased! I'll take a look though.
ReplyDelete